One of our most fundamental emotional needs is the need for security. Safety from the crime- ridden streets of the neighborhood? "Yes", but the greatest security need is the need for the deep assurance that your spouse is committed to you. That they can be trusted and that they will be there for you.

The person who threatens his spouse with such statements as "I just think we should get a divorce. You'd be better off with someone else. Or "I think I'll find me someone who will really love me." Is striking emotional terror in the soul of the spouse.

We need to communicate to each other that whatever happens, we are with them. We want to help. We want to learn. If there are disagreements, we will take time to listen, understand, and seek resolution. "If you are hurting, I want to be there for you." These are the commitments that create a secure atmosphere in which to grow a healthy marriage.