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The "In Love"
Experience.
Psychiatrist Scott Peck in his book The
Road Less Traveled argues that what we call
"falling in love," is not real love at all for three reasons:
First, it is not an act of the will. It is something that happens to us,
not something we choose to do. Second, falling in love is not real love
because it is effortless. The things we do while in love do not require
discipline or effort. And third, the one who is "in love" is not
genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person,
because we see them as already perfect.
If falling in love is not real love, what
is it. Dr. Peck believes it is "a genetically determined instinctual
component of mating behavior." Whether of not we agree with that
conclusion, we must admit that the "in love experience" does not
assure a happy marriage.
In the textbook of marriage, the in love
obsession is the introduction. The heart of the book is rational,
volitional love. This is good news to the married couple who have lost the
"in love" feelings. The fact is, we can learn to meet each
others emotional need for love.
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