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Defensiveness Reveals The
Inner Self.
You can learn a great deal about how to influence
your husband, but observing his defensiveness. Defensiveness reveals
the inner self. A wife says, "Why
does my husband get so defensive? All I have to do is mention that the
grass needs mowing and he goes ballistic." This husband is revealing
his self-esteem hot spot. Some experience in his past has tied his sense
of self worth to mowing the grass. Your mention of the grass translates
"She thinks I'm not doing my job. I work like crazy, and now she is
on my case about the grass." He sees it as a negative statement about
his worth.
I know you didn't mean it that way. That's why I
suggesting you observe his defensiveness, so that you can learn what is
going on inside of him. We don't know these emotional hot spots until we
touch one. It would be a good idea to make a list of all your husband's
defensive reactions. Note what you said and did and how he responded. This
insight will help you discover another way to discuss the topic that will
be less threatening to his self-esteem.
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