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Understanding
Motivation Influences Behavior.
Barry complained that the biggest trouble in his
marriage was that his wife tried to control him. "She thinks that she
is smarter than I am. It's her arrogant attitude that makes me so
angry," he said. His wife Sheila's perspective was "Any time I
disagree with him and share my opinion, he thinks I am trying to control
him. I don't want to control him, I just want to be a part of the
decision."
When we explored the motivation behind Sheila's
behavior we discovered she simply wanted to be partners with him - a wife
rather than a child. She wanted the sense that her ideas were important to
him. When Barry began to understand these motives, he no longer became
defensive, angry and argumentative. He even began to welcome her input.
How did this influence Sheila's behavior? Her screaming and name-calling
stopped. She no longer had to use such antics to get his attention.
Understanding motivation influences behavior.
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