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Condemnation Does Not
Lead to Intimacy.
When we got married, we didn't sign up for warfare.
We signed up for intimacy. Yet, how many couples have passed through my
office where the husband says: "If we could get our sex life straightened
out, everything else would be fine, but when we don't have sex, I feel
that she doesn't care for me at all." While his wife is saying, "We don't
ever do anything together anymore. We used to do things together. Our
communication is almost nonexistent. He doesn't understand my feelings.
When I try to share my struggles, he gives me a quick answer and walks out
of the room."
In reality, each of them wants intimacy, but they
are focusing on different aspects of intimacy: he, on physical intimacy,
and she on emotional intimacy. Such differences are not uncommon. The
tragedy is that many couples spend years condemning each other for not
providing the intimacy they desire. Condemnation is not the road to
intimacy. The first step toward intimacy is to stop the flow of condemning
words. If we stop dropping bombs, then perhaps we can rebuild the
intimacy.
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