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Confrontation Avoidances
Some workaholics are hiding from their spouses. They
work long hours so as to avoid confrontations with their wives. They sense
that confrontation with her is a lose/lose proposition. He does not want
his wife to lose in a confrontation because she will treat him with even
greater harshness or withdrawal. He certainly does not want to lose,
because this confirms the parental message of his incompetence.
If by virtue of his hard work, he has been able to
convince himself that he is a success, he certainly does not want to hear
his wife rebuff him and repeat the message of his parents. So he invests
his energy in his vocation where he has some measure of success and
recognition.
If you want to pull him away from the job. Praise
him for his accomplishments. Let him know that you admire his success.
Tell him that you realize that you have been negative toward his work,
because your own needs have not been met, not because he is a bad husband.
Tell him that you believe he can both meet your needs and be successful in
his vocation. Now you are on his team and will likely find intimacy
returning to the marriage.
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