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Making a Positive Action
If you are living with a verbally abusive spouse, you need
an evacuation plan and you need to share the plan with your spouse. Try this: "I want
to share with you a decision I have made. As you know, I have talked with you in the past
about how deeply I am hurt when you lash out at me with critical remarks. It takes me days
and some times weeks to get over the pain. I have decided that the next time you lose your
temper, I will take some time away from you in order to recover. I think my healing will
be faster if we are apart. I will not be abandoning you, but I will be taking a step to
correct what has become a very destructive pattern in our relationship.
I can’t survive the verbal attacks indefinitely. I don’t believe that is the
kind of person you want to be. I’m sharing this with you because I believe in you and
want to see you become the person you want to be." He may get mad, or start crying.
She simply follows the plan the next time he explodes. She is clearly communicating:
things are not going to continue the way they are. She is taking positive action.
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